Online Harassment

The Internet is probably the most influential and fundamental invention of my lifetime. I’ve seen the birth of America Online, Macbooks, iPhones, and Androids; I’ve seen obscure websites like Facebook and Twitter grow into the juggernauts they are today. It’s pretty amazing to be a part of something like that.

However.

I’ve also seen the darkest parts of the Internet and what it can do to people. How it can ruin and sometimes end lives, and how one click of a button can change everything. I was watching a popular show on HBO called Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and he was covering a story about Internet harassment. It’s mind blowing the amount of harassment that goes on, and if you don’t think that it does or that it’s not a big deal well congratulations on being an average white guy. If you are a woman and you make the “mistake” of trusting someone, or if you dare to have a thought in your head and post it on the Internet then you are probably going to face some sort of harassment or even worse. Take Anita Sarkeesian for instance. Those of you who are not familiar with her probably aren’t into video games; she’s very popular amongst that group of people, sometimes for the wrong reasons. Sarkeesian is a voice for women in video games and a critic as well; she frequently posts her reviews online and vocalizes the obvious sexism in the video game industry. She has not only received lewd remarks for doing so, but some of these are much more serious and threatening. She has received death threats not just geared towards her, but her entire family. She has also received rape threats that often are graphic and way too disturbing for me to even quote. Despite the threats she still keeps going, refusing to let these threats of violence deter her from her end goal.

Amanda Hess, a writer who posted a critique on the harassment of women online, received threats that were along the lines of “I’m going to rape you and cut off your head.” She went to the police, (it is against the law in California where she lives to make threats of bodily harm) and the police officer that came to her door didn’t even know what Twitter was. The officer didn’t really think that a crime had been committed even though clearly it had. When the police don’t understand something they cannot investigate it,if they can’t investigate it and come to a conclusion, then the person who committed the crime gets away with it. How would you feel if you were that person? Knowing that this sick individual got away with doing harm to you or your loved one?

Online harassment doesn’t just stop at threats of violence; there is another way women are harassed and humiliated: it’s called revenge porn. Revenge porn is where private and/or nude photos are posted online for the world to see without their consent. Now I can hear the response already: “Well if you don’t want that to happen don’t take those sorts of pictures!” First of all, not all of the pictures are taken; some are stolen from hacking webcams. Secondly that statement is what I like to call “victim blaming.” What you do in your own personal time with your partner is YOUR business, the news and other sources have hard-wired this sentiment in our brain. What victims are often told are “Sorry about your luck, but you trusted the person so it’s kind of your fault” or if it’s about general harassment some victims are often told “Just turn off your computer, it’ll go away eventually.” Okay first “turn off your computer” is not practical because we use the internet almost every minute from our PC’s to our phones, I mean somewhere in the world right now there is a sheep herder in some remote location using wifi; secondly blaming a person for something because they trusted another person is stupid, what if that person stole from you or worse? How would that make you feel? “Oh sorry about your loss but it is kind of your fault for trusting that person.” Insert any other crime into this situation, “I mean if you don’t want to get robbed, don’t live in a house!” “If you don’t want your identity stolen don’t shop online!” See what I mean? It’s all about the way we think about these things, and how they are presented to us. It’s always the victims fault until suddenly you are the victim. What you do with your significant other is your business, and if they betray that trust then our response shouldn’t be “well you shouldn’t have trusted them.”

If a woman goes to the police stating that someone threatened her life on Twitter, or if she goes to a lawyer because her vindictive lover posted nude photos of her online the response should not be “What in the world is Twitter?” or “Well you should date better people.” This is 2015, and the fact that women are still being harassed just because of the simple fact that they are women with thoughts is ludicrous.

The purpose of this article is not to rant or rage, the purpose is to get people to think of things differently. We need to raise our daughters to be strong and independent, and our sons to be respectful and upstanding. If you go to John Oliver’s YouTube page and watch the video on Online Harassment, you’ll see it has a 40% “downvote.” Why? Because people don’t want to talk about it or acknowledge that it’s happening and that’s the major part of the problem. We can be part of the solution by bringing it out in the open, talking about it, and teaching our children that these things are wrong.

Mental Health: Why I'm an Advocate

It’s no secret that I am an advocate for Mental Health Awareness; I’ve sort of made it my goal to promote awareness and education on the subject. Mental Health has had a pretty bad reputation since, well people first learned to speak. It’s been associated and portrayed in our society as a negative thing; television shows and movies depicting horrific asylums, crazy killer patients, and perverted psychologists (sometimes referred to crudely as “shrinks”). It also doesn’t help that a stigma has been in place for centuries. While researching the subject, I discovered that the first recorded Lunatic Asylum in Europe was the Bethlem Royal Hospital in London, and it has been a part of London since 1247 when it was built as a priory. It became a hospital in 1330 and admitted its first mentally ill patients in 1407. Before the Madhouse Act of 1774, treatment of the Insane was carried out by non-licensed practitioners, who ran their Madhouses as a commercial enterprise and with little regard for the inmates. The Mad House act established the licensing required to house insane patients, with yearly inspections of the premises taking place. Back in America, the U.S. Library of Medicine states that the mentally ill in early American communities were generally cared for by family members, however, in severe cases they sometimes ended up in almshouses or jails. Because mental illness was generally thought to be caused by a moral or spiritual failing, punishment and shame were often handed down to the mentally ill and sometimes their families as well. As the population grew and certain areas became more densely settled, mental illness became one of a number of social issues for which community institutions were created in order to handle the needs of such individuals collectively.

Imagine being ostracized because you had high blood pressure, or a broken arm. You were so afraid of being criticized or laughed at, or even worse told to “just get over it.” If you had high blood pressure eventually your head would start to feel like it was going to explode before you had a severe heart attack, with a broken arm the bones wouldn’t heal properly without a splint or some other form of support and you would be in pain for the rest of your life from the severely deformed bone. Mental Illness is the same thing, it’s not a physical condition but it is still a medical condition that requires just as much attention as that broken arm. Yes the asylums were horrendous. Yes the patients can become dangerous. But don’t let American Horror Story be your point of reference for learning about the Mentally Ill. When it comes down to it, we’re all carrying around some sort of hurt. Sometimes that hurt becomes a wound that won’t heal but festers and we need help to make it better. How is that a bad thing? Why are we so conditioned to try and do it on our own when it’s nearly impossible to do so? I’m here to say that it is okay to say that you hurt, that you matter very much, and you are no different than someone with any other medical condition; you just hurt in a different way. That’s the key to getting a handle on your Mental Health: remember that you matter, that there is someone out there who does care, and you story is an important addition to this world we live in. 

Anxiety: It's not just "Worrying"

Many people seem to brush anxiety off, saying it’s nothing but “overreacting” or “worrying.” People treat it not as an illness, but as something for someone to just “get over.” The National Institute of Mental Health states that “Anxiety Disorders affect about 40 million American adults age 18 years and older (about 18%) in a given year, causing them to be filled with fearfulness and uncertainty. Unlike the relatively mild, brief anxiety caused by a stressful event (such as speaking in public or a first date), anxiety disorders last at least 6 months and can get worse if they are not treated. Anxiety disorders commonly occur along with other mental or physical illnesses, including alcohol or substance abuse, which may mask anxiety symptoms or make them worse.” A person with anxiety is always second-guessing, always worrying, and always fearful. Here’s how the mind of someone without anxiety works, take for instance turning the coffee pot off or wondering if you locked the door: “I’m pretty sure I locked the door, yeah I did. I just don’t remember because it’s something that’s second nature to me.” Now someone with anxiety: “Oh God, did I lock the door? What if I didn’t? Someone’s bound to notice and break in! What if they’re waiting for me there when I get home? I’d better go double check that door.” It may seem a like the person is over-reacting, but those are, in their mind, legitimate fears that could come to fruition.

I will be discussing the most common anxiety disorder: Generalized Anxiety disorder. The National Institute of Mental Health defines Generalized Anxiety Disorder as this: “People with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) go through the day filled with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it. They anticipate disaster and are overly concerned about health issues, money, family problems, or difficulties at work. Sometimes just the thought of getting through the day produces anxiety. GAD is diagnosed when a person worries excessively about a variety of everyday problems for at least 6 months. People with GAD can’t seem to get rid of their concerns, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. They can’t relax, startle easily, and have difficulty concentrating. Often they have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical symptoms that often accompany the anxiety include fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, nausea, lightheadedness, having to go to the bathroom frequently, feeling out of breath, and hot flashes.”

Now I know you must be thinking: “Why can’t they just tell themselves that it’s all incessant worrying and move on?” The reason is not a question of will, but a question of brain chemistry. Anxiety is natural, it works as a motivator and it acts as a warning system for danger in someone who doesn’t have a hiccup in their brain chemistry. In the 6.8 million American adults with GAD, it’s an inhibitor; the chemicals in the brain are on overdrive and high alert. It’s not something that can just be brushed aside, it needs treatment; just like someone with high blood pressure. I suffer from GAD, and it’s a constant struggle to keep my brain from going mad with worry. I do take my medication every day, but some days it isn’t enough and I need to focus on myself for a few hours. I meditate, do breathing exercises, and avoid loud or over stimulating places. This didn’t come easy; I never thought I could just focus on my breathing when I was in the grips of an anxiety attack. It took practice, and years of therapy to achieve this. I had to learn that Anxiety wasn’t who I am, but just a hiccup in my brain that couldn’t be helped, but could be treated if I wanted it to be.

Now, how can you help? When a person in the middle of an anxiety attack is suffering, the worst possible thing you can say is “Calm down.” What you should say is “What can I do?” Listen to them, even if you don’t know what to say, they need to be heard and acknowledged. Someone who has anxiety already feels silly because they know they’re worrying for nothing but can’t help it. The last thing you want to do is make them feel worse because this in turn makes their anxiety worse. A person with anxiety is just like you, they’re not some medical anomaly, after all you wouldn’t treat someone with diabetes or high blood pressure like that; so why treat someone with a mental illness like that?

I hope that this has opened your eyes to Anxiety; I hope that this has helped those with anxiety. My goal is to do just that: Promote understanding and aid. Mental Illnesses are no different from any other medical condition and should not be treated as so. 

Dear Baltimore,

I am in pain right now from what I see on my television. I see hatred and bigotry, I see violence and destruction; this is not the charm city I know and remember. So I will address both sides with honor and respect, I will not let hatred seep into my speech.

To those who have white skin: You must understand that some wounds take a long time to heal. We have been privileged just because of our skin color. Throughout history we have been the conquerors and now we must be the healers. To those who took up the vow to protect and serve I respect you, it takes some special courage to put on a bullet proof vest every day before work. You took that vow with honor and courage, you had it in you to do something that most of us would never think of doing: going up against evil and protecting the innocent. Words cannot express how thankful I am for you, however it is the wolves that lurk among you that I fear. Those who would use the power you have been granted for their own selfish purpose, to cause harm and spread hatred. You, who wear the blue and defend us must hate them more than anyone because they are a seeping blemish that curses everything you stand for. Like all blemishes, they must be lanced and eradicated.

 To those who have black skin: I will not stand here and pretend to know what it is like to be ostracized because of my color. I will not judge those who raise their voice in protest and cry out for equality. I will not stand by and allow you to be called a derogatory  name nor will I turn my back on you when you need a listening ear. However I will not be a target of your hatred. I will not accept looting and assault as forms of protest, I will not accept chosen ignorance, and I believe that you can be better than what your circumstance dictates. Do not give people a reason to stereotype you, become better. Stand tall and show respect, remember Dr. King and Gandhi--they raised their voices not their arms. Please, stop the violence. Do not become the monster that took your peer. 

I want nothing but peace. I want nothing but love. I want nothing but equality. Yes I am a white, middle class individual; but I am also a human being, therefore nothing human is alien to me. We should remember that we are all human, that nothing another human being does is beyond us. We are all human, we all require the same basic needs, why is this so hard to grasp? 

December Song

Christmas is always a wonderful time of year for me, I have my mother to thank for that. Though sometimes it can be bittersweet because this marks the thirteenth year I'll be without her, there is a warmth there that allows the emptiness to be easier to bear.

Lately I haven't been able to write, it's been torturous. Then some Christmas magic happened: I magically was hit with inspiration and produced the poem below. I hope you enjoy.

December Song

The tree twinkles in the moonlight
as I sit enveloped in the warmth
of the fireplace. 

I am the only one awake
on this December night,
this holiest of nights. 

The house has fallen silent,
I hear each snowflake as it gently glides
down from the sky.

The flames twinkle as I await midnight
with only a blanket and tea
as my companions.

 It's hard to describe, 

this emotion that plagues me;
a peaceful silence

 coupled with a woeful emptiness.

My eyes divert from the fire
to a lonely ornament
 on the humblest of branches.

It has your name etched
in glitter, it sparkles
in the dim light.

I have so much more
than most this night,
but it is not enough.

I need you,
you who fostered this love,
you who taught

 that there is magic,

and peace is attainable.
I used to sing a December song,
now the lyrics are lost to me.

In this silent night
I'm on a journey
to find them again.

I close my eyes
and try to remember...
my heart longs for it,

for this night is
not complete without it.
Softly the fire crackles,

the snowflakes shimmy,
and the steam from my
tea floats above my mug.

I can hear it,
the soft melody of
my December song

within the silence.

It was never lost,
just forgotten until now.
A smile curves across my face,

I can feel you now,
my December song.
I will not falter now,

for now I have
this melody
etched upon my heart. 

Confessions of a Girl Gamer

I’m probably going to damn myself to a life of ostracism by confessing this, but what the hell: I am a gamer. I love video games, I play video games, I have played video games since I was a little kid in the Nintendo age of the late 80s early 90s. I thought I would recant my experience in the gamer world.

It all started with Mario and the original Nintendo. I remember logging hours into that game, trying my best to get to that very last level before I had to inevitably cut it off and go outside—my mother was very strict about TV time and outside time and for that I thank her. Then came the wonderful PSOne and I’ve continued my love affair with the Playstation franchise ever since. I spent hours playing classics like Spyro the dragon, Crash Bandicoot, Rayman, and Ape Escape. I absolutely loved being taken away to these other magical worlds where I could do anything.

Then there was Tomb Raider. And it was then that my perspective on gaming changed.

I was fascinated by Lara Croft, her agility, her smarts, her badass guns; I loved her. It wasn’t until I was really into the franchise when I asked myself a very important question: Where are all of the female characters in games? Why am I always stuck with a strictly male character?

It wasn’t until I was much older when it really started to grind my gears. I went on to get a Playstation 2, and though there were more Tomb Raider games for it, it seemed as though Lara Croft was the only game in town for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tomb Raider (except for the shorts…come on now who the hell is exploring tombs in short shorts?!), but once I beat it there was really nothing left for me to do but go back to God of War and a male forerunner. I felt as though I was the only girl in the world who played video games and there was something wrong with that. I loved them, but I felt isolated because I wasn’t really being represented as a female.

As it turns out, I’m not alone. A recent report stated that nearly 50% of the gaming population is female, that’s almost half for those of you who aren’t good with percentages. However a more troubling percentage enters my mind: 3% of all the decisions made on how women are represented in the media are made by women—that means that 97% of those decisions fall to men. That’s staggering, even in the 21^st century.

Then you have reasons like the one Ubisoft gave, who when asked why there were no female assassins in their new Assassins Creed game, basically said that making female characters is way too hard.

Um. What? That sounds like a cop-out to me…totally calling bullshit on this one.

Then they had the nerve to say about their new Far Cry game that there ‘are tons of women in it!’

Really? So how come we don’t have a playable one? How come you, Ubisoft, haven’t given us a playable female character in a Far Cry game? Oh wait…it’s too hard to make one; Even though the Far Cry franchise has historically been a first-person shooter and ALL YOU SEE IS THEIR HANDS.

It’s either one extreme or the other it seems in the gaming industry. You have one developer who says “Making female characters is too hard!” or “Nobody will want to play as a female character!” Then you have some other douche bag saying “Look at all of our strong female characters! They’re scantily clad and have tits the size of a bowling ball but they have great personalities!”

Seriously? Can’t a girl just have a strong, normally dressed, kick ass female lead?

All hope is not lost though. The past few years have brought us a revamped Tomb Raider (who FINALLY DRESSES LIKE A NORMAL WOMAN), Fem Shep in Mass Effect, Gravity Rush, The Last of Us, and most recently First Light, a DLC based off of the Infamous Second Son game. I’m sure there are more that I’m forgetting at the moment, but I still have an issue: It shouldn’t be that easy to list games with female leads. I should really have to struggle because of the number, but alas it’s still easy. Now naming a game with a buff white guy? Sheesh do you want the short list or the long?

Why are there so few female leads in video games? It’s a question I’m going to keep asking until I see results. As a female gamer, and part of a large community of female gamers, I feel that I should be represented in a positive way like any other sort of media. That’s what this is all about, I’m not asking for a major change here. It’s not that hard to write a female lead, nor is it that hard to make her compelling. So I’ll ask again: Why? 

A Letter to all of you Twenty-Something’s

I’m sad to say I’ve reached my late twenties. That point in one’s life where the struggle of being an adult becomes real. No more partying on the weekends (or after classes during the weekdays) because you have to get up and work the next day. No more sleeping until noon (or possibly later depending on the state of your hangover) because you will most likely get fired if you do. No more Ramen Noodles, Easy Mac, or cheap Chinese food (well maybe higher end Chinese food. I refuse to give up lo mien) because you probably should start thinking about your health and let’s face it: there is massive amounts of sodium and fat in all mentioned. You have to be an “adult” now. That means you have to learn how to do “adult” things. What in god’s name is an “adult” thing? How on earth can I do it if I don’t know what it is? Am I even old enough to be qualified as an adult? I still sleep in “Superman” pajamas for crying out loud!

            Personally, I don’t think one should be considered an adult until they’re at least 35. That seems like a legit age. But I digress.

            So what qualifies as “adult” things? Paying bills, managing your finances, buying groceries (beer no longer qualifies as your top “grocery” item guys, sorry), signing up for health insurance, paying bills…paying bills…paying off the inevitable student loans that you’ve probably racked up during your college years. Holy crap. This is getting scary. Life is starting to creep up on you. Slinking its long, gnarly fingers around your wallet and mind; threatening to drive you mad! Life! You thrust the skull high and dramatically say: “Alas poor Yorick I knew him!” Then you realize that you not only don’t know someone named Yorick, but someone else said that first. So you sit down in the corner and fall into the fetal position crying out: “I don’t want to be an adult! I can’t handle all of this!”

            Take a deep breath. Uncurl yourself from the fetal position, and sit up. You’re going to be fine. I know it’s a lot to take in and it’s scary as hell, but you are not alone. There are thousands of people going through the exact same thing as you, maybe not at this very moment but trust me they’re definitely going to feel it soon. I am one of those people; I’m terrified of becoming an adult. But being an adult doesn’t mean changing who you are completely, it means making a few tweaks here and there to make sure you’re successful and most importantly: happy. Let me explain:

First off, people unfortunately need and require money in order to survive. Wouldn’t it be better if we all could pay with pocket lint or something? Or pennies? There are probably more freaking pennies than there is pocket lint. Sadly, that’s not the case so one needs to find a job and become a contributing member of society; a taxpayer. Preferably, you want a job that makes you happy but alas, that doesn’t always happen. The truth is you’re going to have to work a few crappy jobs before you find one that makes you happy. I truly believe that if you keep pressing on, you’ll find that job. Just keep going kid, you’ll make it.

Secondly you’re going to have to learn how to manage your money. I feel so hypocritical saying this because I am awful with money. But it’s something I am learning to do. If you have to, talk to someone about planning a budget or finance management. There are people out there who do that sort of stuff for a living (I know, shocking right?) so they’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Lastly, never lose track of where you came from; whether that place is lower class, middle class, or first class. Where you come from is an important part of who you are and it’ll keep you grounded. I’m blessed to come from a wonderful family who supports me in all I do, even when I screw up royally I’m able to come home and find my bearings. If you’re not as lucky as I am, then remember where you come from and become better. Remember that someone can’t be more human than you, if a human being did it than it is attainable for you.