Column # 22: Death the great Equalizer

Perhaps its because it's raining, or because I'm morbid, or maybe its just because I've just been thinking a lot lately but I thought I would write a blog about one of the most depressing topics ever:

Death.

To some it's a terrifying thought, to others it somehow doesn't exist; like most things in life, it's a different thing to different people. I for one can honestly say that, while it does frighten me a little, I don't have a problem with it. Then again, when one looks at the past nine years of my life:

2001 - Mother died of ovarian cancer
2003 - Father diagnosed with prostate cancer
2007 - Grandfather died of a staff infection after being healthy as a horse for 70 years
2008 - Classmate killed in a car accident
2010 - Grandmother dies suddenly in her home

I kind of have a good reason to feel that way, I mean from 13 on it seems as though death (and near-death) and I are BFF's. However, it's one BFF I definitely don't want to take to the movies. I've come to discover that death, for all of the heartache it brings, gives a whole new meaning to life. I've found that trivial things annoy me, gossip is a bore, and I laugh at people who think they know everything.

It never ceases to amaze me how people think that they are entitled to something or that they deserve the biggest reward possible. Now don't get me wrong, dreams and goals are fantastic but don't think that you're entitled to a frickin' medal when you achieve them. I hate to break it to you, but we aren't entitled to a damn thing. There are three things that are the same with every single person on this planet: 1.) Our genealogy can be traced back to ONE woman 2.) We are all born the same way and 3.) We all die. We came into this world a screaming wad of flesh, and we're going to leave this world an (hopefully) old sack of skin. We came here with nothing, we were just a naked and wet baby. What happens in between is what matters, but the one thing that pisses me off is this sense of entitlement people get. Who do you think you are? Last I checked the air you took into your lungs wasn't any different from the air I breathe, and while you may do something better than I can you should remember that I can do something better than you can. You are no different from me in that aspect.

Throughout history people have tried to erase the aspect of death, deeming it too scary or inappropriate. Ironically, when we do this we loose so much of what is important in life. We don't appreciate things the way we should, we don't love as much as we could and we certainly don't have as much faith. In ancient civilizations people looked at death as a passage to a new life or as a blessing to the tribe, they viewed it as one more ancestor to watch over them. Today we see nothing but the negative, as I said it does bring pain like you can't imagine but some people never quite move on from that.

Dylan Thomas, one of my favorite poets, wrote a brilliant, and widely celebrated villanelle for his dying father: 'Do not go gentle into that good night'. The speaker is begging for his loved one to "Rage, rage against the dying of the light.", to not leave them behind. As someone who has lost a parent, I can understand this sentiment. I can't tell you how many times I begged God to give my mother the strength to "rage against the dying of the light", but, like Thomas, my prayers were all for naught.

Death sucks, there's no question or denial there. However it's how you deal with it that determines the rest of your life. I know some people that struggled for months and then finally overcame their sorrow, then there are people I know who just can't seem to let go. It changes people, in good ways and in bad.

As the title suggests, death is in fact the one thing that makes us all equal. It doesn't care who you are, what you do, or how much you have; sooner or later (hopefully later) it's going to come to your door. It's nothing to be scared of, it just gives us a better reason to enjoy life; to live each day as if you're not going to wake up tomorrow. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, nor are we entitled to anything. So live it up now.

At least, that's how I see it.

#2: There are few times I complain, one would be running out of wine or chocolate.

I really mean that too. The only time I really complain (outside of PMS, which come on. Women bitch when mother nature visits our hoo hoo. And we have every reason to have a little complaint here and there, especially when we feel like we're bloated to twice our normal size or we're getting kicked in the stomach by an angry rhinoceros or we're tired...anyway I digress.) is when there is no chocolate or wine when I need it. People often wonder why I'm so laid back and how I just go with the flow, not necessary liking the consequences but living with them. Well my friends, here's why (you may want to take notes):

I don't complain about things that I can't change; and while I may worry, I usually just shrug and say 'Well...may as well just go with it..Que Sera, Sera". I know, its so simple right? It's one of those damned concept that's easier said than done. Or is it? I mean, we all know that complaining about the weather isn't going to make it stop raining, or make the jackass in our class shut up and stop acting like he's smart when really your 10 year old cousin knows more about this stuff than he does. I hate to break it to you, but complaining about your boss isn't going to make him realize that you are a valuable asset to the company or that you're more than a pair of tits who happens to be good at a typewriter. However plotting revenge is okay. Just don't poison his coffee, the toxicology screening is very advanced. If you do, get some good poison like the stuff they use for rats or something.

Now I'm not saying you should never vent, I'm just saying don't bitch about stuff that's stupid. A little healthy venting does most of us good, so does kicking the living crap out of your neighbors cat that pisses on your car. There's nothing more annoying to me than people who complain when they really have no need to. Sure the job isn't what they want, they're occasionally tired, and they could stand to make more money. Who the hell hasn't felt like that? I know I have, and you're a liar or born into wealth (in which case you're just a douche) if you say you haven't. My father would say something like 'Join the club!'. If you met my family, you would understand.

When I was taking my Introduction to Education class, my professor told me this story about two former students of his. One was your average college student who still lived at home, and the other was a young woman who was a bit older (late 20's or early 30's probably) and had two kids under the age of 8, no car, worked two jobs and was a full-time student. The average college student person went to maybe half of the classes, did maybe 6 of the 15 quizzes and occasionally complained about how hard her workload was. When the time came to do classroom observations, she was late to most of them and didn't complete the required amount of hours.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I'll tell you anyway if not. The older student made it to every class, completed all her quizzes on time, and made it to every observation in a timely manner earning her praises from the teachers. She had every reason to complain about her workload. Two young kids? No reliable means of transportation? Class PLUS two jobs that she probably hated with the fire of 39 burning suns? But she didn't. Now I've never met this girl, don't have a clue what she looks like or where she works. However I have this feeling that she shares the same mindset I do when it comes to situations like this.

Things get tough, and yes there will be days where you are worn thin and feel like crying or screaming 'WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! I DO MY BEST AND I GET NOTHING!!' While screaming may make you feel better, it'll probably make your nosy neighbors think you're killing someone or have finally gone off your rocker. Plus, it makes your throat hurt. Life is hard, its can be cruel and unforgiving. It will not stop for anyone no matter how tragic the situation is. The sun will still come up tomorrow, and set in the evening. There are people out there (more so than ever in this day and age) who are struggling to get by and wondering how much longer their dwindling finances will last.

While all of that sucks, lets not forget that while life does get hard...it offers more than enough enjoyment to make up for it. Today I saw a praying mantis on the window and feeling intrigued I went to check it out. It crawled around on my hand, and Brian (one of my campers, the counselors know who I'm talking about ;]) asked if he could see it. He looked at it with such wonder, like it was some sort of rare species or something. It crawled around on his hand (even went up his arm and on his face, which was pretty funny) before it hopped off and we let it go on one of the butterfly bushes. He simply summed up this situation with "That was cool, okay see ya!". For some strange reason that small, seemingly insignificant situation made me feel a lot better about my day.

See what I mean? Something as simple as a praying mantis on a window, sitting on the beach and listening to she sounds of the waves crash over the shore, or fiddling with your guitar that you haven't picked up in a while can have surprising effects on your mood.

That is, if you're willing to see them.

At least that's how I see it
Cheers!