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Top Five: Video Games

I am an avid gamer. I am one of those people who can still tell you cheat codes for Super Mario 3...on the NES, not N64, not Super Nintendo, the first one with the square controllers that could very easily hurt someone if you threw it hard enough at their skull.

Video games have a unique ability that no other form of entertainment has: they allow the player to be placed in the driver seat and control their own destiny. Books (though I do adore them) can't do that, and some of the best games I've played have some rich storytelling that matches some of the great authors. I'm sure I just pissed off a bunch of bookworms but frankly my dear I don't give a damn. This post is glorifying video games, something I rarely do so I'm going with it.

I am a PlayStation girl. I always have been since the very first PSOne. Nothing could deter my loyalty to the PS franchise, although I'm not ashamed to admit that I have entertained the idea of getting an Xbox just for Halo and Gears of War but I digress. It was hard for me to pick a Top Five, and quite frankly this should be titled "Top Five at the Moment" because there are so many other games out there that I love, but alas we all must make choices so here we go:


5.) Borderlands has so many glorious things about it, it's one of the most fun first-person shooters I've ever played. From the charming psychos (featured on the box art) ready to strip your flesh and salt your wounds, to the super cuddly skags that want to rip your face off, this game has a ton a gifts that keep on giving. You're a vault hunter setting off on a journey that promises massive amounts of fortune and loot. The player can choose between four different characters with different abilities each character gets two, which later is upgraded to four, weapon slots and a shield which can be upgraded later in the game. Borderlands' most appealing aspect is the guns. So. Many. Guns. It's like a FPV fan's dream come true. Everything from pistols that can shoot acid on your enemies and cause them to melt away into nothing but a greasy spot in the sand, to huge rocket launchers that can electrify your enemies before blowing them to smitherines. The story isn't great compared to some of the other games listed on here but as I said in the beginning: this game is a hell of a lot of fun to play AND it's even better when you have a friend because the co-op is awesome. If going out and shooting up bad guys, blowing things up, and raising hell in a kick-ass desert cruiser is your idea of a fun time, then Borderlands is definitely for you.

4.) The Uncharted Series is probably PlayStation 3's most notable and well-known series. The three installments in this series were inspired by the pinnacle of video game history: Tomb Raider. Instead of a dark haired beauty in ridiculously short-shorts we have Nathan Drake. He's a lovable scoundrel who has a thirst for treasure and he's a damn good treasure hunter. Not only does he have the skills (and some mad skills at that) but he also has a vast knowledge of history and ancient artifacts. If you're a fan of the Tomb Raider games or if you love puzzles, third person shooters, and action than this series is for you. The puzzles are challenging and make you feel like a genius when you've figured them out. The combat scenarios are okay, but combat really isn't what this game is about. People have argued that the second game in the series, pictured here, is probably the best game. It won game of the year and it's story line surpasses the first one and still holds true even after the third game was released. I'm inclined to agree. Uncharted was great, I beat it within a week or so. Uncharted 2? I beat within 3 days. The story sucks you in and doesn't let go, it's an action pack treat that will keep you enthralled from beginning to end and I have to say the combat scenarios are greatly improved in this one, as are the weapons (I am particularly fond of the Desert Eagle). If you're a little skeptical about the series this one is a great place to start, although you will be a little lost in the beginning of the story. I for one think it's best to start with the first one and then see how much the second one kicks ass.

3.) Far Cry 3 has been called "Skyrim with guns" by many a game critic, followed by either a 9 or a 9.5 out of 10. This is an open world, first person shooter. To those of you who don't know what open world means, it's basically without those invisible walls that tell you not to go there. This game...holy crap it is so much fun, and there's so much to do. What I really love about this game is that you're not limited to just following the mission and the story line, if you don't want to go on to the next mission just yet...not to worry there is always a radio tower to unlock, a pirate outpost to conquer, a supply drop to complete, and a side mission to complete. This game easily gives you over 30 hours of gameplay because of all of these amazing side missions along with the story mode. This game is pretty dark, it does have a Mature rating and for good reason: we see people getting tortured, we see boobs, we see people's heads getting blown off, and there is heavy drug use throughout the game. It dives into some pretty dark subject matter, it's not for the faint of heart. I was thrown off guard at first by how deep this game dives into the darker part of humanity, and I've played M-rated games since I could buy them. Despite the dark stuff the gameplay is AWESOME, the graphics are absolutely gorgeous, and the combat scenarios are some of the best I've seen in a FPS. If you love FPS and open world environments, then you MUST get Far Cry 3. You MUST.

2.) This game is relatively new, it was just released at the end of March but it's already a must own in my book. I know I'm blasphemous to say so, but I was not a huge fan of the first two BioShock games. I liked them, but they just didn't grab me. This BioShock is a completely different story. I picked it up the day it came out and haven't been able to stop playing. Now before you ask me about the ending, I haven't beaten it yet...I do have other things to do unfortunately. I stole the description from the game's website:
Set in 1912, players assume the role of former Pinkerton agent Booker DeWitt, sent to the flying city of Columbia on a rescue mission. His target? Elizabeth, imprisoned since childhood. During their daring escape, Booker and Elizabeth form a powerful bond -- one that lets Booker augment his own abilities with her world-altering control over the environment. Together, they fight from high-speed Sky-Lines, in the streets and houses of Columbia, on giant zeppelins, and in the clouds, all while learning to harness an expanding arsenal of weapons and abilities, and immersing players in a story that is not only steeped in profound thrills and surprises, but also invests its characters with what Game Informer called “An amazing experience from beginning to end."
An amazing experience? How about a fucking awesome one. This game not only is a hell of a lot of fun, I mean you get to shoot bad guys that look like a psychotic George Washington for Gods sake, but it makes you think about what it's presenting. No, I'm not going to go into that because this is a spoiler free post. Plus it makes it all the more intriguing doesn't it? For you BioShock fans, this game plays pretty much the same: you have your guns in one hand and your plasmids are now vigors, they work the same way and have the same concept. The only gripe I have about this game is that it doesn't allow you to carry more than two guns, but it's really the only thing I can find wrong with this game. Another, engrossing FPV that you MUST own.

1.) I have been a fan of Tomb Raider since the first PSOne release. When I heard they were re-inventing the series I was excited and a bit skeptical. This game is an origin story, it shows you how Lara Croft became the badass that she is and how those experiences mold her into the penultimate Tomb Raider. I've never played a game where the emotional journey of the character literally tugs at your soul until I played this one. Lara's struggles become your struggles as you really get a feeling for her and want to help her along this journey. The tombs are awesome and challenging, holding true to the traditions of the game with complex puzzles that keep you thinking. The graphics are beautiful and the camera is spot on every single time. This is another M-rated game for the violence, and it does deal with some pretty heavy stuff. Sexual assault is suggested and Lara's finishers are pretty violent as well. The death sequences though...wow they're pretty brutal, it definitely makes you not want to die and to really try not to let that happen to Lara again. The story is one that definitely pulls you in and, as mentioned before, really gets you thinking and feeling for the character. Lara's character development is so well executed and Camilla Luddington does an amazing job as the voice of Lara, she made my heart ache on several occasions. For Tomb Raider fans, it makes us beg for more. Crystal Dynamics really put a lot of effort into getting this game right and it shows, it's a well-executed, beautifully designed, and well developed masterpiece. I can't wait to see what they have next. For now though, even if you're not a fan of Tomb Raider (which shame on you) you definitely need this game. It is a must own for any system out there.

Well those are my picks. I should mention that with the exception of Uncharted, all of these are available for any system. So for all of you Xbox fans out there, these are for you as well. Maybe one day I'll jump on the Xbox wagon, but for now...I'm going to stick with my good ol' PlayStation.

What it's like to live with depression

By now most of you know that I have been diagnosed with depression. I am still sort of dealing with the diagnosis myself, I find that I still am somewhat ashamed of my condition; I still look down or stutter a bit when I talk about it, fortunately because I am hiding behind my laptop screen this time I am calm and ready to talk to you about depression.

First of all, I am not sad. I hate it when people make the assumption that just because I have depression I'm sad all the time like Eeyore. I am not a donkey with a pink bow on my ass. I'm depressed not sad, there's a difference believe it or not. Depression is (this is my definition) the inability to do the things that you used to love, you can't seem to wake up, you feel like nothing you do is right, and there's this immense cloud and/or void that feels like it's going to swallow you whole. Yes, sadness does play a part in it but it's a different kind of sadness--the worse kind: the kind that doesn't go away no matter how many funny movies you watch, or how long you hang out with your friends. Your brain is your worse enemy because it can't produce enough happy juice to get you through the day and it constantly reminds you of how much you suck, how awful life is and how nobody cares about you and your pathetic life.

My brain was telling me two different things, see I have this logic thing that was telling me the exact opposite of what my emotions were. It was like Jekyll and Hyde: the light side was telling me that I was loved, I had no reason to want to die, and I needed to talk to someone; the dark side was telling me that I wanted to die, that I had always wanted to die since mom died and I was molested, and I wouldn't be missed.
Scary shit right? See the thing about depression is that there is so much that people don't know, they seem to think that people can help it and when they finally do pull that trigger, pop that last pill, or tighten that noose; they think that they have a choice and they don't. They can't stop it, they are ashamed of themselves. They're terrified that they're going to be seen as weak, over-dramatic, or silly. Its this stigma that people have about depression that makes people more depressed!

Depression is a disease, an illness. It's just as serious as high blood pressure or diabetes. It needs daily medication just like the said conditions. I take two different medications for my condition: Abilify and Lexapro, I also take Ativan for my anxiety when I have one of my paralyzing attacks. These are all medications that I need like a diabetic needs insulin. If I don't take it I am a horrible person to be around, Debbie Downer ain't got nothin' on me. In all seriousness when I don't take my medication I sink back into a deep, dark place; I become moody, lethargic, I can't concentrate, I don't enjoy things that I used to, and probably the most serious condition I have is a condition called "intrusive thoughts." It's a condition in which I cannot control my thoughts, and those thoughts often lead to suicidal ones. I don't want to kill myself but those thoughts become so loud....so very, very loud. It's almost like having fifty people shouting different things at you, it's maddening. It's not voices, there's only me in here, but a darker version of me--the me that I can't control without medication. This leads to my anxiety, and it eventually lead to my three day hospitalization. Honestly, it was the best thing I did up until that point.

I'm happy to report that, while I am still adjusting to them, I am on medication that works for me. I hope that in reading this you can get a new idea on depression. That you see it's a disease, not a fleeting illness that can be treated for a week and then expect the patient to be all better. It requires patience and as much understanding as you can muster.

WebMD has great resources for people with depression and those who just want to educate themselves, which is something I would encourage all of my readers to do: Educate themselves. Plus they're a lot more articulate than I am on the matter. I hope that my experience shines some light on the matter and changes what you guys think about depression.

The "Uncomfortable Topic"

It's currently 6 a.m. And I am sitting here at my computer wanting to talk to you about mental illness. I must be mentally ill to want to talk about such an “uncomfortable” topic at this ungodly hour in the morning. However the topic has been weighing heavily on my mind as I fall into the category of “mentally ill.”

     I was recently diagnosed with depression over the summer; it claimed many hours of my life and at times made it impossible for me to get anything done or do anything. Along with the depression came anxiety, I have attacks so severe they render me literally defenseless and unable to do anything. My anxiety led to what doctors call “intrusive thoughts,” a condition where you cannot control what thoughts come into your head and struggle to comprehend or fight them. My depression and anxiety combined led to a very dark and dangerous place that I could not control, nor could I get myself out of; this led to suicidal thoughts and almost to tenancies. I didn't want to kill myself, as a matter of fact I knew how much I had going for me: a wonderful family, awesome friends, and a whole new world of opportunities. The thing is, I got tired. Tired of fighting with myself, tired of these thoughts telling me to do harm to myself, and tired of the nightmares that plagued me each and every night. I struggled for so long and finally I realized that I was becoming a danger to myself; so I checked myself in at the local mental health unit, I knew that if I didn't I would become another statistic.

     I'm happy to report that I am on medication that controls the depression and the anxiety; while I still have anxiety attacks, and they are debilitating, I am in a much better place than I was four months ago. I see a therapist regularly and while I have my days, I truly believe that I won't always be this way.

     So what happened? What made me sink so low? I won't go into details because this essay is not about me, I will say however that repressing things, not talking about what your feeling, and not being given a chance to deal with traumatic events that occur in your life, these issues will arise; the human mind is the most least understood thing in this world, it is a network of abyssal areas that we cannot fathom and it can hold the key to healing or destroying the soul.

     Why am I talking about this now? The recent events at Sandy Hook have made me realize that nobody talks about it. Mental illness is something that is swept under the rug or it's made fun of or people have the audacity to think that the actions of those with a mental illness can be controlled or helped. I'm not here to make a case for the shooter, I dare not touch that, I'm here to make a case for the doctors, parents, and most importantly the patients who often don't have a voice.

     People often think that something like depression can be helped, they say things like “Why are you so sad?” or the ever-annoying “Cheer up! Life's not so bad!” that makes me want to punch them in the neck. I want to shake them and say “I can't cheer up! I'm not sad I'm depressed goddamnit! I can't just tell myself not to be sad, I don't know what the hell I'm feeling or why!” Then I realize that a.) I can't punch them in the neck because that will get me thrown in an institution...you can't just go around punching people in the neck no matter how much they deserve it; and b.) I feel this way because society has made not only me, but thousands of others like me and worse than me feel this way.

     When was the last time we heard people raising awareness for Mental Illness like they do cancer or heart disease? How many people can you name that have a condition? Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and hundreds more are just as dangerous as high blood pressure and cancer. They are illnesses they aren't fleeting like a common cold or the flu, they don't come and go like a rash, and they aren't like an allergic reaction. It's a disease. Often a permanent ailment like diabetes that requires daily medication. It is not something that should be taken lightly nor is it something that should be ignored. Aurora, Virginia Tech, and recently Sandy Hook are all examples of what happen when you ignore the weird kid, the sad kid, the quiet kid, and the angry kid.

     Psychologists, Psychiatrists, and therapists are all at the front lines and they're all by themselves. They are responsible for finding the ticking time bombs and trying to help them before it's too late. Even then they're up against drug and insurance companies who are only looking out for the all mighty dollar and not doing a damn thing to make it easier for the families of these patients to get help. I should know, my family and I have been battling with insurance companies for months because the medication I need is over $200 a month. I can't imagine what a person who needs several different medications has to spend in order to survive.

     Yes. Survive. These medicines are just as important to our well-being as insulin is to a diabetic, and high blood pressure pills is to a person with that condition. It infuriates me when I hear people making fun of people with these conditions, who need medication in order to function. Why not make fun of a diabetic? Or a cancer patient? Because it's wrong. The same logic applies to someone with a mental illness, we need this medication to survive. Do not ostracize us because we're easy targets and you don't understand. That's why people go and off themselves in a dark room, or worse they go and kill others before they turn their weapon on themselves.

     Twenty children, little babies, died on Friday. A sick, disturbed man took their lives after he took the life of his own mother and then took his own life; he was a ticking time bomb that again, slipped through the crack. Instead of running your mouth about how sick he was or how cowardly why not sit your ass down at a computer or get a medical journal and educate yourself? Why not push for more education on mental illness? We don't need more gun control laws, that's a scapegoat in order to avoid the “uncomfortable” issue of mental illness.

     My heart aches for that community, I can't tell you how much I feel for them. I hurt, I cried for those children and teachers. I can't help but think if people were more comfortable with this topic that this could have been prevented. Someone would've noticed that this young man needed immediate admittance to an institution because he was a danger to himself and others; he may never have gotten out, but he would've received help, medication, and people would have been safe. If there wasn't so much bullshit to go through with insurance companies, if the drugs weren't ridiculously expensive and if people knew more about this...maybe, just maybe this could have been avoided. But what do I know?

     I don't know why I wrote this, perhaps I'm tired of being ashamed of my own condition, maybe I think it'll do some good, hell maybe I'm just shooting my mouth off. I want to believe that someone will read this and perhaps be touched, that they will realize that this is a serious disease like diabetes, that can eventually claim the life of it's victim if it's not discovered and if society does not change it's views. How many people like this kid are out there? How many more ticking time bombs have to explode before we get it? How many more violent shootings do we have to endure before we realize that guns are not the problem? We must have more research into the topic of Mental Illness. I don't want to have to wake up to another Sandy Hook, or read a newspaper where a mother found her child hanging in their closet. I want to read a headline like this: CONGRESS APPROVES FUNDS FOR MORE RESEARCH ON MENTAL ILLNESS.

     Reader I am only a college student, I don't pretend to be wise to the ways of the world or have all the answers. I know that there are perfectly normal people who are just evil and will do evil deeds in order to get what they want. They also ruin it for those who have a condition by throwing the “I couldn't help it because of my mental condition” card.

     I do know this: get enough people riled up and change happens. So now that you've read this, I've got to ask you: What are you going to do with what you have just read?

Books that most English Majors should have read by now

Recently I was asked to compose a book list for a dear friend of mine who confessed to me that she probably hadn't read most of the books that English majors are "supposed" to have read by now. Not believing her at first, as she is a wonderful poet, we went down the list.

She was right. She is a crappy English major.

So I compiled a list of books that are both staples on the English literature track, and books that I think are sometimes overlooked because they're overshadowed by the "required" books. Don't get me wrong, I love Austen and the Bronte's just as much as the next book worm...but sometimes I need a little more darkness sprinkled with some good ole' mystery. So here is, taken straight from the Word document, my recommendations for all of you English majors who haven't quite got around to the whole book thing yet:

• Rebecca – Daphne du Maurier
  Plot: A mousy, insecure, and submissive woman falls in love with the enigmatic Max de Winter and marries him. She also marries his dark past, psycho creepy head housekeeper (seriously the bitch is CRAZY), and the massive house that seems to be haunted by his dead wife Rebecca. We find that through various events the new wife undergoes a complete change and that sometimes ghosts are real.
  
  
• Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
  Plot: Basically the lesson here is don't allow your pride to get in the way, and don't judge someone based on gossip. Also, Romantic-era women were just as bitchy as some women today. The result is a wonderfully written, and poignant novel that once you read it you will understand why everyone with half a brain loves it. On a side note: I would totally bang Mr. Darcy.
  
  
• Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
  Plot: You have two sisters, Elinor and Marianne: Elinor is the epitome of prudence and self-control while Marianne embodies emotion and enthusiasm. The story follows the two sisters, along with their younger sister Margaret after they are left in reduced circumstances when their father dies and his estate is passed onto their half-brother, John (because women are silly and don't deserve land). The novel follows the young ladies to their new home, a meager cottage on a distant relative's property, where they experience love, romance, heartbreak, and more bitchy Romantic-era women.
  
  
• Persuasion – Jane Austen
  Plot: This is probably my favorite of Austen's, it was her last novel and its quite different from all of her other previous works. Anne Elliot is a lovely 19 year old, accepts a proposal of marriage from a naval officer Frederick Wentworth. He's handsome, smart, and has an ambitious spirit but he's dirt ass poor. Her snobby father and equally snobby, meddling sister along with her mentor Lady Russell force her to break the engagement because he's no good for her. Eight years later now 27 and still unmarried (GASP!! She's practically on the doorstep of Old-Maidom!!), Anne re-encounters her former love when he returns from the Napoleonic wars. Wentworth is now a captain and wealthy from maritime victories; However, he has not forgiven Anne for rejecting him. While publicly declaring that he is ready to marry any suitable young woman who catches his fancy, he privately resolves that he is ready to become attached to any appealing young woman except for Anne. The emotions play back and forth like a game of tennis and the banter is witty and sharp; it only takes a few pages to see why it's my favorite.
  
  
• A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
  Plot: As you can guess...the novel is about two cities: London and Paris; its set just before and during the French Revolution. Dickens was known as a champion of the poor; this novel depicts the plight of the French peasantry as they are demoralized by the aristocracy in the years leading up to the revolution, the corresponding brutality demonstrated by the revolutionaries toward the former aristocrats in the early years of the revolution, and many unflattering social parallels with life in London during the same time period. It is a book where you have to pay attention because there are a lot of important characters and Dickens makes the most subtle of gestures the most important ones to note.
  
  
• The Scarlett Pimpernel – Baroness Orczy
  Plot: First of all do not ask me to pronounce her name because I don't know how. Secondly this is an awesome follow-up to A Tale of Two Cities because this book is told from the point of view of a French Aristocrat during that same time period. This book set the standard for the masked superhero, its set during the Reign of Terror and follows the lives of Sir Percy Blakeney and his wife, a beautiful French actress, Marguerite St. Just. It's a novel where not all is what it seems, where you're given a new viewpoint into the Revolution.
  
  
• Frankenstein – Mary Shelley
  Plot: Pop culture has ruined any chance of most people reading this novel because they assume the already know the story....and they are halfway right. You may know the story but in order to UNDERSTAND it and WHY it was written you have to read the novel. It's not very long, probably takes a day if you're a fast reader but its packed with wonderful themes that people to this day are still arguing over. I'm telling you, you don't REALLY know the story until you've read this book.
  
  
• Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
  Plot: I love the Bronte's, I really do. They were women ahead of their time and their novels give an in-depth look into what it was like to be a woman in the Victorian Era; it sucked for the most part. The story follows the emotions and experiences of, you guessed it, Jane Eyre, her growth to adulthood, and her love for Mr. Rochester, the Byronic (A Byronic hero is a variant of the Romantic hero as a type of character, named after the English Romantic poet Lord Byron. He's kind of like a tragic hero but he's not always doomed to die, Google it because it's actually really interesting) master of Thornfield Hall. The novel is very Gothic in nature, meaning its kind of like what happens after “happily ever after,” it's very dark and often moody. Despite it's darkness the novel is excellent and a pretty easy read...especially when compared to the next novel.
  
  
• Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
  Plot: Okay, not going to lie...this one was kind of tough to get into. It's one of those novels that if you stay with it, you will be rewarded...but it is a little confusing. Basically it follows the life of Heathcliff, (not the cartoon cat) an orphan who was found on the streets of Liverpool and taken to Wuthering Heights by Mr. Earnshaw where he was reluctantly cared for by the rest of the family. There he met Catherine and they became close...then things get a little sticky. I'm not going to go into detail but trust me, stick with this book and you will be rewarded young grasshopper.
  
  
• Lady Chatterly's Lover – D.H. Lawrence
  Plot: This book was not allowed to be published in the UK until 1960. It was written in 1927-28. I didn't even know what this book was about but when I heard that I had to read it. The book is notorious for its story of the physical relationship between a working-class man and an upper-class woman, its explicit descriptions of sex, and its use of then “unprintable words.” While the novel is filled with steamy love scenes, its far from a trashy romance novel; it actually has a plot, characters that the reader becomes very empathetic for, and beautiful poetic language that flows so beautifully through the mind. It's one of the most forward thinking novels of the time (it follows in the footsteps of Madame Bovary, which isn't on here but you should read it nonetheless. I can't do everything for you. Also, after Bovary you should definitely read The Awakening by Kate Chopin), and Lady Chatterley realizes that a woman can't just be satisfied by intellect alone....
  
  
• Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury
  Plot: The novel presents a horrifying future American society where books are outlawed and firemen burn any house that contains them. Enter a young fireman by the name of Guy Montag. On his way home one night he meets his new neighbor: a 17-year-old girl named Clarisse McClellan, whose free-thinking ideals and liberating spirit force him to question his life, his ideals, and his definition of happiness. That's all I'm going to give you, if I give you any more it will ruin it and trust me, this is not one you want to ruin. Just a side note, 451 degrees is the temperature in which paper burns...
  
  
• And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie
  Plot: READ THIS BOOK. I don't want to tell you anything because I want you to be as on the edge of your seat as I was when I first read it. I've read it three times and I'm STILL shocked each and every time. If you read no other book on this list READ THIS ONE.
  
  
• Murder on the Orient Express – Agatha Christie
  Plot: It's one of Christie's most celebrated novels starring one of her most recognizable characters: Hercule Poirot. That's all your getting. Trust me, you'll thank me when you read it.
  
  
• A Murder Is Announced – Agatha Christie
  Plot: A Miss Marple mystery. Yes, that's all I'm saying.
  
  
• Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There – Lewis Carroll
  Plot: Lewis Carroll changed the way children's literature was written, read, and perceived; before, kids had the Grimms Fairy Tales which were used to scare them into being good. Carroll created a world where kids could be kids and nonsense was a way of life. Both Alice stories are wonderfully written so that people of all ages can enjoy them, and even though some of the references are outdated both books are a real joy to read.
  
  
• Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
  Plot: Okay the only reason I'm even putting this on here is because Hugo is excellent at using human characters to personify good and evil. The book is long. Really, really...really long; there are at least ten chapters of really boring and tedious information before you get to the actual story, and you come up on numerous chapters like this throughout the very long story. However...despite all of this, and if you have the stamina it is a really good story and one of the best tellings of redemption I can think of. And no, listening to the musical soundtrack does not count. You may want to save this one for last...
  
  
• The Hunchback of Notre Dame – Victor Hugo
  Plot: Disney sugar coated this book...I mean it was to be expected but they left a lot out. This book is a lot easier to read than Les Mis, it's also shorter. This one is a tear jerker, and there are elements from the book that are in the movie but the book has a much sadder outcome. I think this one is by far one of Hugo's greatest because of the emotions that it evokes from the reader; emotions that you really weren't expecting. Okay, I cried. Go ahead and laugh, but I guarantee that you will be using kleenexes by the end of this novel too.
  
  
• Frenchman's Creek – Daphne du Maurier
  Plot: Yes, Ms. Du Maurier makes another appearance on this list. Why? Because she's amazing. This is probably a close favorite of mine next to Rebecca. It's historical novel by Daphne du Maurier. Set in Cornwall during the reign of Charles II, it tells the story of a love affair between an impulsive English lady and a French pirate. Dona, Lady St. Columb, makes a sudden visit with her children to Navron, her husband's remote estate in Cornwall, in a fit of disgust with her shallow life in London court society. There she finds that the property, unoccupied for several years, is being used as a base by a notorious French pirate who has been terrorizing the Cornish coast. Dona finds that the pirate, Jean-Benoit Aubéry, is not a desperate character at all, but rather a more educated and cultured man than her own doltish husband, and they fall in love. The story is very difficult to categorize because it has EVERYTHING: swashbuckling pirates, lavish romance, witty banter, historical settings, and a woman who is possibly one of my favorite literary heroines.
  
  
• My Cousin Rachel – Daphne du Maurier
  Plot: This novel is a little like Rebecca, it is a mystery-romance, largely set on a large estate in Cornwall. By now you'll have noticed that most of du Maurier's novels take place in or around that area because that was her home and she often wrote about how much she adored it. The basis of the novel is the tension set up in its young protagonist when Philip falls in love with his cousin, while uncovering, and trying to deny, evidence that she is pretending to care for him while she has only her own interests at heart. The tension is palpable, you can practically cut it with a knife and it is just spectacular how right up until the very end the reader is wondering who really is the villain...
  
  
• Jamaica Inn – Daphne du Maurier
  Plot: We come to the final book, after this you're on your own. Jamaica Inn tells the story of 23-year-old Mary Yellan, who was brought up on a farm but had to go and live with her Aunt Patience after her mother died. Patience's husband, Joss Merlyn, a great big bully who is almost seven feet tall, is the keeper of Jamaica Inn. On arriving at the gloomy and threatening inn, Mary finds her aunt in a ghost-like state under the thumb of the vicious Joss, and soon realizes that something unusual is afoot at the inn, which has no guests and is never open to the public (This novel was the basis of Alfred Hitchcock's first successful talkie film, and he used several of du Maurier's works later on). The story is loaded with suspense and plot twists that will keep you guessing until the last turn of the page.

Now, go ahead and get reading. You have a lot of catching up to do. 

Geese are minions of the Devil

I'm normally an animal lover, I support the ASPCA and abhor animal cruelty of any kind. I haven't met an animal that stirs within me a deep hatred and causes me to want to brandish a firearm so as I may violently slaughter them....

 Until I discovered the evil nature of the Canada Goose.

 Oh sure, they look harmless and graceful; but I am certain that this is a facade they use in order to lure us into a false sense of security. They are mean, they hiss and they will call upon their demonic brethren to destroy the human race.
What caused such a deep rooted hatred and loathing for these evil animals? Allow me to transport you to a time when my innocence was nearly pecked to death, destroyed by feathered minions of hell.
 Imagine a lovely summer day in a small State Park located in the tiny town of Crisfield, Maryland; it was a fireman's picnic by the channel there was food, laughter, and children playing. One child in particular was in awe of nature's beauty and her creatures that inhabited it. I was this child, and my love for nature and animals was nearly destroyed that day. Being the caring seven year old that I was, I wanted to share my food with the animals that brought me so much pleasure; all I had to offer them was a bag of potato chips, I was willing to share them all and only have a few for myself. Little did I know that this graciousness would be rewarded with horror. I had been cautious at first, tossing the chips to one of the geese...then one became two, two became three...soon there was a flock of geese surrounding me. I would notice all too late. The geese were gently taking the potato chips from my hand, honking quietly..."How nice!" I thought, "They're saying thank you!" Now I recognize it as plotting to destroy me. Soon I realized that I was running out of potato chips, I rose to go get more...I was surrounded...and the geese were still hungry.

Suddenly I felt a tug at my shorts, then a painful pinch of my arm...finally a lone goose let out a cry to tell the others to attack. I was engulfed in a sea of feathers and pecking beaks, I felt the painful bite of their horrid mouths and the smell of their rancid bodies was more than I could handle. My mind began to race: There was so much that I hadn't done! I had such big plans for third grade, I had my first trapper keeper! I HAD A TRAPPER KEEPER WITH A UNICORN ON IT THAT I WOULD NEVER GET TO USE. IT HAD MATCHING FOLDERS. What of the bedazzled jean jacket that I had just gotten for my birthday? I would never get to wear it! WHAT OF MY JELLIES?! They would bury me in those, there was no way my sister would get them.

 Just as I had given up hope...a light appeared and the hand of God reached into the feathery, honking hell and set me free. Actually it was my Mother but when a seven year old is in such a precarious and dangerous situation anything freeing her from it is nothing short of divine. From that day on, I vowed to prove that geese are out to destroy the human race.

My point is proven by all of the information that is being discovered about geese and their evilness. Lets start first with an annoyance that we've all had to deal with: Goose shit. An adult goose may eat as much as four lbs of grass and other forage daily. That leads to about two lbs of goose poop a day. TWO POUNDS OF GOOSE SHIT PER GOOSE. Depending on the area, that poop may be dispersed in ponds or lakes or it may end up on land. It can get in our drinking water, our pet's drinking water, and it somehow attracts our dogs to roll, eat, and frolic in it. It's been proven that it carries all sorts of nasty bacteria, e-coli and salmonella being the most prominent.

What happens if they find out where the main sources of our drinking water are? All they'd have to do is get twenty or thirty of their satanic soldiers to back up and take a dump in the water for a massive bacterial outbreak!

 If any of you have watched the news in the past few years, you'll have bound have seen a story or two about planes being brought down by "birds." The only bird smaller than a goose that can take out a plane with its flock are seagulls, which happen to be another species of bird I abhor but that's for another time. Geese are the primary culprits in bringing down the JetBlue plane on Wednesday. The article states: "The bird strike is the second to ground a New York flight in less than a week, after a Delta plane was forced to turn back to JFK Airport last Thursday." IT PLAINLY STATES THAT GEESE ARE TRYING TO KILL US. If you want someone else who feels this way about geese, just ask Sully Sullenberger.

 Ready yourself my friends, for we are at war. It won't be long before they try to kidnap our children, influence our media, and try to kill us all so that their evil race can flourish and destroy everything that humans have created in this world.

March: The end of my Journey through my Valley

This may be coming early in the month, we still have a week of March left but I've always been one to be a little earlier than most...its a fear of turning out like my wonderful, but always about five minutes late, Aunt.

I'm sure that I'm going to get a disgruntled phone call about that later.

Its no secret that this month is terribly difficult for me, the looming cloud of unhappy memories and the fact that most people painstakingly avoid the subject of my mother in order to preserve my heart are both catalysts in re-opening old wounds. In the past they have been wounds that I've tried to hide, wounds that I may as well have scrubbed with a dirty sponge because my actions were causing them to fester and spread. As the years went on, I found that it was becomming easier to deal with and I didn't have to really hide anymore. I didn't have to feel shame, that these feelings were real and not methods to get attention; I was on a journey through that deep valley called Grief.

Now, I don't want to be a plagiarist; the metaphor I just used is credited to a wonderful writer (and fabulous actress too I may add) who I just recently discovered, Alexandra Silber. I've never met her, I don't know what her favourite color is, where she likes to shop, or what she does on her days when she is not involved with the theatre. I only know that she adores Murder, She Wrote (which is a clue that she's awesome in my book) and she is a fantastically talented woman...who also has suffered the loss of a parent. She wrote a wonderful, heartbreaking and heartfelt post about her father and about her own journey through the seemingly endless valley of grief.

Loosing your parent is not only earth shattering, its also a very lonely thing to have happen to someone. I was thirteen, and then I was victimized by a predator; so needless to say the years following my mother's death are not ones I wish to recount. I remember feeling very, very lonely; feeling like I was the only person in my world, that there was really nobody else who understood. I've confessed this before and have been chastized for it: "How could you think you're alone when you have all these people who care about you?!" It was as if they were saying "You're the one who makes yourself lonely." Not seeing that I was absolutely terrified of trusting anyone who was a male or talking about my feelings to a woman that may just say "Oh you're just trying to get attention." I don't want anyone to think that I am embittered, I'm not. I am simply providing some sort of explanation for why I felt the way I did because those of you reading this who haven't lost a parent really don't know what it's like. And no, loosing you're dog is not the same...yes, I've heard that too. I used to condemn those who hurt me, I used to not want anything to do with anyone because I was just...hurt. I was so immensely lost and sad, I had (still do to an extent) a very hard time trusting anyone about anything because of what else happened. I hope this doesn't sound like a "woe is me" sort of thing because those people really get on my nerves.

I'm going to pull a Kate Chopin and blatantly plagiarize another writer for the use of their incredibly wonderful metaphor, with the hopes that Miss Silber will not send the copyright monster down on my head. Just know that I was not the one who first came up with this metaphor. By the way, Kate Chopin did plagiarize...just read Madame Bovary and you'll see a remarkable resemblance to The Awakening. But I digress.

Grief is a deep, often dark valley that people are thrust into at least once in their lives; it's full of abyssal ravines, painful falls and winding roads that seemingly have no end. When you loose a parent, someone who was your whole world, who you depended on to always be there and give you advice...its like being thrust into this valley that you must now, on your own, find your way out of. Its something that is so foreign to a child: to find their way by themselves when they haven't had the proper teaching of how to do so. The child, after somewhat accepting that their parent is gone, begins the long journey through their Valley. They start at the bottom of one of those abyssal ravines, with nothing to help them but their own wounded mind and their will. Soon, the mind begins to heal; not completely but it becomes manageable. Like a gash on the arm or leg, it begins to close up and become mobile. The child can't get around like they used to yet, but in time they're able to at least make it out of the ravine.

Soon they begin to stand up and begin their long journey down the winding road out of their Valley, mind you there will be many pitfalls but now the child is on the road; in the Valley, one must see each step as a tiny victory. On their way down this road there are several milestones, like mile-markers or rest stops on Turnpikes and Parkways.

Along the way, the child has a fall. This fall could be anything: an anniversary, a birthday, a song or movie that reminds you of your sorrow, or even a smell. This fall is not as dark and abyssal as the ravine that they started out in, but it is a reminder that in the Valley, it is always important to remember that you must allow yourself to grieve. You must feel that pain because if you don't, if you try to cover it up and suppress it; it will eventually bubble over like a volcano that has lain dormant for hundreds of years. It will feel as though your loss happened yesterday, and you will experience that deep, painful sobbing that you experienced the day you lost them.

You must be allowed to grieve. That is what the rest-stops on the road are for: they are for the child to be allowed to remember, to determine what is a good memory and what is a bad, to be allowed to feel the pain and to realize that this pain is going to lessen. If they are denied that, their wounds will be left unattended and fester.

After a series of pitfalls, a few moments of getting lost and confused the child finally makes it: the end of the road and the exit out of their Valley. However, this is not a permanent exit; the Valley of Grief is one that the child will re-visit many times over their lives, and each time the way out will become easier and easier to find. Soon the Valley will become a sort of Mecca if you will; a place where one goes to recount what they've learned and how far they have come since their first visit here. They will be allowed to grieve, to cry and to long for their parent. This is not a setback, and there is no need to be concerned. The important thing to understand is that the pain will never completely disappear, and to be honest I don't think it would be good if it did. That would mean completely forgetting about those we lost, and I would rather die than to forget my mother.

Reader I have made this journey to my Valley several times since the death of my mother, and I do speak the truth when I say that it does become more of a place of recollection as the years go on. Do I still weep like I did eleven years ago? Of course I do. Is the pain sometimes so sharp that I can't breathe or think? Yes. Do I still get choked up about certain things and have to cry? Yes. But this is something that will always be, and I've accepted it. I've accepted, but not been consumed by it. A wave that crashes on the sand must eventually return to sea, taking with it the sediments and shells, but leaving behind new ones. The wave of grief crashes over you and takes away something, when my mother died she took with her something that I will never get back, but in the retracting waves I find that I've also gained something. What it is, I can't really explain; those who have lost a parent (I think) know what I mean.

It has taken years to reach this point, and to be honest, I still have much further to go. I'm content where I am right now, yes there are days where I wake up and I'm suddenly hit with this pang of loss and I can't think of anything but my mother and how much I miss her, but I accept them; I see them as a minor pitfall that I must find my way out of, that the Valley is calling me back for some reason and I must heed that call.

I urge you to read Alexandra's post, because she said it much better than I did; it seems strange to say this about a person that I have never met but I feel that she knows what I'm talking about. If she even reads this, if I'm priviledged enough to have her read this I want to say thank you for your gift and sharing it with me.

Dear reader, if you are in the midst of travelling through your Valley of Grief, whatever it may be, know that you are a beautiful being; know that you are not alone, that there is someone out there who cares for you; that you can and will make it, you just have to fight. You have to get your hands dirty, and maybe a little scraped up but you can make it out. Patience, Will, and Faith are the keys dear reader; those are the keys to the doors that will take you out of your Valley.